4 Steps to Self-Love: Changing Your Perspective to Change Your Life
It’s not just another hashtag — it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
I was one of those people — do everything as fast as possible and get it done the right way the first time. Don’t let anyone help if you don’t need to, and even if you do, it’s easier to do it yourself anyway. If you have to kill yourself trying, that’s the cost of daily business. These are the beliefs that I was taught growing up, and they are the ones I carried into my adult life.
After I got married it only got worse as I went full force into getting everything done all the time. I didn’t care that I was falling apart… I was determined to be a full-time student, work my 9–5, take care of three kids, keep the house clean, be a wife, all done in one day — every day. Instead of seeking rest, I sought the ability to further hide my struggle because I didn’t want to look incompetent.
Finally, and thankfully, I got horribly sick for a few days. I ended up in the ER and panicked because I had better things to do than be sick. There were chores to do at home. My kids needed me. I didn’t have the PTO to waste on simply resting at home. Who was going to cook my husband lunch? In the middle of everything that ran through my mind, I realized how sad all of my thoughts were. I could barely lift my head off my pillow, and I was already mentally creating a list of to-dos for whenever my energy did return to sit alongside my ambition and sense of duty.
I was sick for 3 days. No one died. No one went hungry. The world didn’t stop moving. I realized that I was killing myself for no reason at all. The world kept going even though I wasn’t running a million miles an hour.
If I didn’t love myself, no one was going to, or I wouldn’t recognize it. Self-love was the answer to being better equipped to handle the hardships of everyday life, and I was NOT equipped. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I was broken down and worked to the bone. I get that you want to succeed, but iron-manning it for years on end until you burn out is not the answer.
Here are the top things that I had to learn the hard way.
- Accept your past.
We all carry baggage. Find out what yours is and accept it. You can’t change what happened to you. You can’t change the things that adults decided for you when you were younger. Accept it and then let it go.
You are who you choose to be, and you can be better than all of that. - Take time to understand your past.
Although you are more than your past, it still is a large part of what makes you who you are. Take time to dig into all of the details and sort it so that you can really know why you tick and why things hurt you, make you laugh, and even why you might be searching for certain types of people to build relationships with. - Get rid of unneeded baggage.
That’s right. I said it. Time to walk away. Whether it be relationships, crappy jobs, poorly made decisions or commitments, etc. — choose to walk away and choose to live a more positive life that encourages you instead of one that drains you. You deserve that. - Invest in yourself.
I constantly tell myself and others: you can’t pour into someone else’s cup if your cup is empty. We all need love, and sometimes that starts with loving ourselves. Take time out of your day to have some peace and quiet to yourself — relax and just take it all in. Just as much as you love others, take that same energy and time to invest in yourself. Build upon yourself so that you can better love those around you.
You will never be able to be a parent, spouse, sibling, friend, or individual if you don’t choose to love yourself. You will eventually burn out. You will eventually run dry. You will go crazy and feel like the world is against you because your mental and emotional state is not intact.
Do not let yourself get there.
Choose yourself. Invest in yourself. By doing so, you are choosing to be a better person for yourself and everyone you love.
