How to “Have it All”
Secrets to sanity from a working mom and aspiring entrepreneur
There’s this glow about specific people; you know damn well they have it all together and their life is a series of nice happy scenes filled with perfection and open doors. They probably fart minty air and pee rose water and their kids are just so well behaved, it’s no wonder they post beautiful photos on Instagram.
Let’s get you there, because who doesn’t want a great life where everything comes easy?
Disclaimer: I have not achieved it all, and nor has anyone else. What we have achieved is inner peace amidst the craziness around us. These keys will not help you achieve EVERYTHING, but help you prioritize the things that truly matter to you and balancing the ability to spend your time and energy on them.
I’m commonly told, “you’re so lucky things come so easy for you”. I die a little bit inside and then shudder at the slightly violent thoughts I have thinking about how easy it is for others to overlook the effort that goes into each day. After all that, I realize that it’s probably a good thing things look like they come easy; as much as I’d like credit for my hard work, I also enjoy the idea that no one sees me huffing and puffing to get to the finish line.
In the past few years, these major “woah” moments have defined me and allowed me to recreate a greater day-to-day life for myself. Wanting it all is separate from achieving “it all” with these keys to a better mindset.
If you don’t absolutely need to do it now, don’t.
Now don’t take this the wrong way. My advice would be to assign each task two “mental tags”; the first should be the timeline or due date, and the second should be its category within your life.
For example, laundry could be “person and work, due in two weeks”. Honestly, I have enough clothing to get me through two weeks, and this affects me personally and my performance and well-being at work. So it would be a priority, but not something I need to do RIGHT now.
When we start looking at our to-do lists with this in mind, we feel less pressure to get everything done now and instead can find peace knowing that waiting won’t kill us. Really, it won’t. You’ll be fine. (I have sticky notes around my house reminding me “it can wait”)
Cut the bull.
Whether it’s people or things, stop wasting time on things that don’t benefit your life, your family, and your well-being. You could, if you wanted, sit down and make a list of everything major in your life and then give it a “yes” or “no”.
- Relationship w/ ___
- My 2nd car
- Hot Cheetos
- Alcohol
- A new set of shoes
- My job
- 50 different sweaters
- My goal to ___
If it doesn’t benefit your life in some way, what’s the point? Keep in mind that things can benefit you without you liking it — for example, working out — you might not like it, but it DOES benefit you.
Money isn’t everything.
I read somewhere recently that freedom was the new money — that millennials value their freedom and flexibility more than being able to buy homes or cars like the baby boomers placed heavy value on. Even if you’re not a millennial, I think it rings true because our world is so fast-paced that being able to slow down and move at our own pace is an AMAZING feat. To sit and read a book, eat breakfast, enjoy music… instead of rushing to do or complete the next thing — that’s the dream!
Look at what you’re aiming to do and consider (if it has to do with money) whether or not that will truly make you happy.
Many people want more money; once they get it, they continue to want more. The more you have, the more you end up wanting to do. Your lifestyle changes and becomes more expensive and enough never seems like enough.
So backtrack — is money really what you want? Is it really what will make you happy? I’m not saying that you should stay broke; just take time to learn your motives and understand them so that your goals can actually help you build a more satisfying life.
Find structure and build a routine.
Not everyone will like this. Some people thrive on spontaneity… but guys, that in itself is a routine. Highlight the 5 things you NEED to do each day, and leave the rest of your day for being spontaneous or adding extra things in as the day moves along.
Need an example?
- Prep/Eat Breakfast
- Answer 10–15 Emails
- Prep/Eat Lunch
- Pick up the kids from school.
- Prep/Eat Dinner
Although not super complex, this routine is going to save you headaches because structure helps us find peace in a familiar action. You will still have time to freely do things for fun; you will still have flexibility in being able to shift things around… but this simple structure will give your life the stability that it needs. Especially those of you that have kids, pets, or really exhausting and busy days that make you feel like, “you never have enough time” or “oh shoot, I forgot to eat lunch”… structure and prioritization is calling your name. Answer it.
Take breaks and do nothing “important”.
Working from home has really helped me shape this one. We’ve established that the world we live in is busy and workdays can be stressful… take a few minutes every two hours or so to take a breath and do something that relaxes you.
- Walk around the office
- Listen to two new songs or your favorite songs on Spotify
- Browse Amazon (set an alarm, because we know you’ll get carried away)
- Message a friend you enjoy talking to
- Take some selfies cause you look amazing today
- Go and get a fresh glass of juice, coffee, or water
- Take a dump
- Draw, doodle, or color
- Read a chapter from your favorite book or a new book
- Look up 5 random facts about life and things around you
The main point is to take your head out of its current spot so that you can steady that heart rate and blood pressure and just relax. I know it sounds like something that is going to get you off track and then you’ll spiral into not getting anything done… but this could actually help you calm down enough to refocus and get the day on a better note.
